Night of the Living Dairy

I don’t drink milk for two reasons: first, it does horrible things to my insides. Second, I really don’t like it and tend to overlook it in my fridge. This creates a problem because I often buy a small carton or jug of the stuff for baking or for The Electrician’s Golden Grahams, then promptly…

Murder in Cold Blood, if Spiders Actually Had Blood

Did you know spiders have no muscles? Instead, their limbs function on a system of arachnid hydraulics, or something close to that. The complicated locomotion of spiders, though, doesn’t stop them from being utterly disgusting. I’m not going to pretend to tolerate spiders. I hate the nasty things. When I went downstairs the other night to…