Because my bathroom renovation is still chugging along on that long, arduous stretch of lonely highway between “before” and “after,” today I’m discussing the best reasons for each and every person out there to indulge in a bubble bath. In an interesting Freudian slip, I first typed “today I’m disgusting” in the last sentence. It’s been an adventure to farm my bathing out among all the people I know, and I think I’m feeling the strain of not being able to jump in the tub any old time I like.

1. Having a bath is a green option. I realize this rule only applies if you are into long, steamy showers that last until the hot water tank simply can’t keep up. If I have things my way, I will shower until the cold water cues me to towel off. Note that I have not showered this long in any of the showers I’ve borrowed recently, so don’t cut me off before my bathroom’s done. Please? Having a proper bubble bath can easily take twice as long as one of these marathon showers, and the total water usage is much lower. I am saving the environment, one bubble bath at at time.

2. A girl can’t read in the shower. Neither can a boy. Unless you’re into impromptu paper mache projects, taking a book into the shower is a poor idea. I’m not into making pinatas while my toes are wrinkly, so I prefer a bubble bath, where I can lounge with my literature. I bought that new bathtub with the elbow rests for a reason: my tub is hardcover ready.

3. Bubble baths are luxurious. They are one of the few ways a person can indulge without feeling guilty about spending too much money or eating too much cake. You can be the Cleopatra of your own bathroom, soaking in bubbles that smell delicious and pretending to ask your pretend minions to fan you a little more with their pretend palm fronds. It’s a brief taste of the life I’ll never be able to afford.

4. The tub is a great place to catch up with friends and family on the phone. I am so busy with work, life, and picking up dog turds as the snow melts that I don’t have much time to chat with my loved ones who live far away. Please note that I recommend the bathtub phone call for traditional phone use only. Your relationships with the people you love could be irreversibly changed if you attempt a video tub call using Skype.

5. Bubbles for baths are manufactured in a huge array of delicious scents. I keep calling them flavours, because really, they smell good enough to eat. My affections are currently dedicated to the 3-in-1 line from Philosophy. The suds really do smell good enough to eat. I know this because both Leroy and Sherman have attempted to ingest the suds off the top of the bathwater. I’m currently hoarding the cherry-cola flavor: it’s a limited edition from a few years back and I’m dreading the end of my bottle.

Philosophy has never heard of me. I’m about as important to them as a weed growing in their parking lot, but I love their stuff. The best part is the recipe on every bottle. Yes, seriously.

6. Baths provide the perfect opportunity to enjoy a frozen treat. Oh, you laugh. Uh huh. This is Canada, folks, where breathing in too sharply in the winter causes a person’s nostrils to freeze shut. There is a very narrow window of icy sweets enjoyment time. If you learn to appreciate the art of the bubble bath, however, you can enjoy that ice cream sandwich or creamsicle from the heat and comfort of your own tub. Trust me. Bring a big slurpee with you to your next bubble bath. I’ll make a believer out of you.

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