Ladies, we need to talk. A plague is sweeping the nation, indeed, sweeping the planet: we are the only ones who can save our species from the downhill skid our women are leading. It’s a sad time for females. Luckily, I’m not afraid to speak up.
Maybe I’m just overly sensitive, but I feel like deception is the name of the game these days. I’ve heard the sage advice I should believe half of what I see and none of what I hear. Most of the time, more than 50% of what I see is fake, so I think even the wise old rule is past its usefulness. Everywhere I look, women are wearing more add-on parts than Mr. Potato Head. Between the hair extensions, gel fingernails, add-two-cup-sizes padded bras, acrylic toenails (yes, really) and eyelash extensions, to name just a few of the things women are sticking to themselves, it seems like many of the women I encounter have more plastic pieces than a LEGO starter kit.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with a pair of false lashes for a special occasion. I take no issue with acrylic fingernails on a person who wears them from time-to-time to feel prettier. Any of these beauty add-ons can be fine by itself if it’s done tastefully. My problem arises when a woman feels the need to enhance every part of herself with an artificial upgrade.
I am a strong believer in the only one thing rule. Following the rule means a woman picks one thing to show off at a time; if she’s wearing a short skirt, for example, she should cover the rest of her skin. If it’s a sassy evening out and she’s taking the girls for some fresh air in a plunging neckline, she’d be wise to keep the rest of her a mystery. The same guidelines should apply to after-market parts. Pick one thing you’d like to upgrade with modern technology, ladies, and leave the rest natural. It’s the classy thing to do. It will also save you a ton of money, money you could spend on chocolate or good books.
A woman who has been completely overhauled by the vultures of the beauty industry just radiates insecurity to me, no matter how “perfect” she looks on the outside. Ladies, we need to stop buying into the hyped-up idea that we need to add on to what we were born with. As far as I see it, gussy yourself up with all the makeup or nail polish or haircolour you like, and do it well, but don’t let someone sell you spare parts. You are not a Volkswagen. You are not a KitchenAid mixer. You do not need extra pieces to make yourself more attractive or more useful or more desirable.
Plus, your gel toenails make you look like you had a terrible foot accident and had the fingers of some poor child from Toddlers and Tiaras transplanted onto the places your toes should be.
Thus endeth my public service announcement. I leave you with this awesome cover of TLC’s hit “Unpretty.” I don’t know the musicians, but here I am supporting independent artists and stock bodies.
Be real, my friends. You’re far more awesome than you give yourself credit for.
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