In a tragic turn of events, I caught a glimpse of something horrifying on the back deck tonight while I was running my swim suit and towel down to the washer: you know, because I am so excellent and efficient that my chlorinated clothing will never sit by the garbage can in the kitchen for three days because I’ve forgotten about it. That is so last week.

Life with a dog includes lots of nasty surprises. During the potty training stage, the hazards are particularly frequent and memorable. The speckled one chews on lovely items like bison tracheas, pig ears, and (yes, really) bull penises; the most frightening thing about the bull penises is the fact that a person can purchase them cut into various lengths, or buy them at the full 36″ size. Yes, really. Maybe I shouldn’t mention the time Sherman had vermin, but it fits here, doesn’t it? Suffice it to say I’m not startled by much anymore, but tonight’s discovery made me as queasy as a pregnant woman at a cabbage and liver buffet.

Here’s what I found:

The agony.

Horrifying, right? There, trapped under one of the sticks Sherman keeps finding to chew despite my warnings that he will get splinters in his ann-oos, the vile thing: yellow leaf, harbinger of autumn. Remember, autumn comes before winter, and winter is where snow falls incessantly and sweet little birds freeze solid where they land. I am certainly not ready to think about winter.

For crying in the kitchen sink, Mother Nature, today is August 18th! You are supposed to be dressing in green right now. Consider shades like emerald, peridot, and kelly. I am particularly fond of chartreuse and kiwi. Whatever you do, lay off those golds and yellows: they do not flatter you at all at this time of year.

I expect immediate improvements, lady. No more gold until at least mid-September; that colour washes you out and makes your butt look big. I tell you this as a concerned friend.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. That was cute – great writing Kay – you set the scene very well:)

    And in response to the comment you left today on my turning the other cheek post:

    “It is hard some days Kay.

    I think that forgiving is easier done when looked at like this – rather than forgiving someone else for what they did to offend, hurt or anger you — you forgive yourself for being offended, hurt or angered by them.
    The power then always lies within yourself and cannot be taken away. It frees you.”

    I didn’t know if you’d go back to my blog to check – and I always do my best to respond to comments, so when you open yourself up to share, you’ll find an answer there.
    Hope it is useful:)

    Happy Thursday to you with nary another yellow leaf in sight!

  2. FL Liz says:

    Very funny! ….and gross…. but funny !! I grew up a latitude south of you so, no, I cannot imagine your winters, but I tolerate heat less than cold and now that I live in humid/hot summers, Fall is a very attractive offer. Sorry, but that leaf looks like bliss to me: a time when I can open the doors and windows and let ‘real’ air in, and the sky deepens from the washed out hazy white to a nice blue.

    1. Kay at Blue Speckled Pup says:

      Don’t get me wrong, I quite like autumn, but I’m not ready yet for the end of summer, since we really haven’t had much summer weather this year. You’re right, though, that different climates have different “perks” with each season. I can’t imagine dealing with the heat and humidity down there, plus I would have unmanageably big hair!

  3. FL Liz says:

    oooo the hair. Yes, if you came here and did the unspeakable- BRUSH your hair- I fear you could fill up a smart car with that ‘do.

  4. Healthyhippo says:

    Love your blog Kay! I can’t believe I used to get paid to read it, now I search it out for entertainment! Keep up the good work! 😉

    1. Kay at Blue Speckled Pup says:

      Hi, and thanks bunches! I saw the comment via my phone and thought, who the heck got paid to read my writing? Then I realized who it was. I’m so glad you’re dropping by, HH, and I’m glad you can be here for entertainment without having to worry about my report card or whether I was late to your class.

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