Tall Tales


My ovaries are in overdrive right now. Never mind that they are each the only house on a dead-end cul-de-sac: it seems everyone I know is currently gestating or waiting for a belly button to dry up and fall off or something equally nurturing and adorable. To be completely honest, I’m thrilled for all my friend and their beautiful families, but it stings a bit to watch folks celebrating something I don’t get to do. Kind of like being the only kid in the class who didn’t get invited to the party.

On that note, I will move on to something completely different. Unless I start a blog tradition called “Feeling Sorry For Myself Fridays,” moping is off the agenda.

I popped over to see what is up at WhatIMeant2Say tonight, I found that she published a post a few days back that asked her to write six “facts” about herself and invite readers to separate the truth from the lies.

Here’s the challenge: read the following six statements. In the comments at the bottom of the page (not below the link on Facebook if that’s how you get here for a visit) identify the numbers of the statements that are lies. The first person to get all the answers right will receive a super-secret but awesome prize.

Kay’s update: half the list is true. You must pick three lies. Sorry for the miscommunication.  

1. When I was a grocery store cashier, I made customers scan their own live lobsters.

2. My parents dressed me mostly in boy clothes for the first year and a half of my life.

3. I trained Sherman to ring a bell hanging at the back door when he needs to “go.”

4. I have a photo of Audrey Hepburn and my painting of Jim Morrison leaning against the wall in my livingroom.

5. I have only the first line of a little elephant tattoo because I chickened out a little too late.

6. A sheep broke both my finger and my nose, on separate occasions.

What do you think readers?

(Mom, you’re officially disqualified because you know too much.)

copyright 2012:  http://bluespeckledpup.com

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19 Comments Add yours

  1. Madeline Sherren says:

    First of all, your first paragraph made me feel sad 😦 Secondly, here are my votes for the ‘lies’ (ps, funny, I just did this lie detector test with my class)

    2, 3, 5

    1. It’s okay. I’m feeling better about paragraph one today. It’s just an overwhelming reality from time to time.

  2. Madeline Sherren says:

    Or crap, I forgot to correct my punctuation before posting!!

  3. tAmArA [_] says:

    #5 sounds like a cliche, so that’s my only guess for lies, but everything else has the feeling of truth, though of course I don’t know you IRL. 🙂

    p.s. lots of really cool aunties are the ones who don’t have kids.

    1. You know, if my brother ever gets his rear in gear, I might just get to me that “hip” auntie. Actually, knowing my brother, I’ll be the “hippie” auntie eating avocado sandwiches and listening to fifty year-old music.

      1. tAmArA [_] says:

        Some of my favorite aunties growing up weren’t even related. You’re a lady, so you’re an auntie! (Except for to your students, I guess.)

  4. Erica says:

    Such a fun idea! Numbers 2,3 and 5 I think are lies.

  5. lexy3587 says:

    Go hug your puppy 🙂 You are already a kickass parent, and your baby (probably) doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night.
    My vote: 3, 4 are lies. Though if you did teach Sherman the bell trick, explain to me how!

    1. The puppy has been good and hugged. Thank you for your support.

  6. erimik says:

    Hmmmm…this is super tricky. #1 is for sure true! I will guess that 2, 4 and 5 are the tall tales.
    And to lexy3587, I don’t know about Sherman for sure, but we just trained our 4 month old puppy that trick by telling him “touch” and directing his nose to the bell whenver we were going to let him outside anyway, then rewarding him as soon as he touched it. He was already whining to go out so whenever he whined, we made him touch the bell instead. After a week he was doing it with only the “touch command” and treat reward, then yesterday he touched it all by himself. Today he started biting it though, instead of just touching it, so that may be a step backward … ?

    1. You will have to wait and see!

      I can’t wait to meet your little bearded dude. Playdate?

  7. Cinderella says:

    I’d guess that lobsters don’t get scanned, so that may be a lie.

    It is very hard when everybody else gets to do something you don’t.

    So sometimes you ask yourself ‘what am I meant to learn by this?”

    Being a parent is supposed to be an act of healthy loving (we both know first hand that it isn’t always necessarily so – and so do thousands of neglected or otherwise abused children who each have their own true stories to tell)

    AND the learning MAY be – if you had a child to pour your love and nurturing out on – you may not have necessarily learned how to love and nurture yourself in that same generous unstinting way, through everything that comprises the evolution of a contented and meaningful life, Kay

    So it could be that one of your lessons – the karma you came here to this particular lifetime to balance – is that you are meant to love YOU, (not selfishly like some people think that means) – but to heal all the wounds given to you in your young years, and focus on the growth and kindess and balanced awareness that comes from being the kind of parent to yourself that you wish you had had.

    And maybe Kay – if you had had kids, you would have missed out on that.

    There is also no reason whatsoever on earth that you cannot do for yourself everything you would have wanted to do for a child – take yourself to the zoo, to the park, to the circus, make time for yourself at night to read a story, make sure you get a good education, or have tutors for fun things, or go to a sports or other kind of activity you are interested in. Take yourself on a camping trip, out for an ice cream cone as a treat, be kind to yourself when you are in a funk and need comforitng, or use your intuition to give you good advice when you are momentarily baffled about something, ALL OF IT.

    Sometimes people have kids to fill holes in themselves emotionally. In other words, they don’t fix themselves first – they think a kid will make them happy or fulfilled or that somehow their own issues don’t matter because they can gloss them over with the smugness of saying ‘I have kids’ and focus on the kids instead of the things they have out of whack in their own selves.

    Maybe this opportunity for you to give to YOU in a heathy way is a very rich blessing, that you might not have known otherwise.
    There are LOTS of things that you can do with your time and your life that down the road other women will say enviously to you “Oh, I wish I could do that!”

    I’m not trying to say that it won’t sting sometimes. I’m just trying to suggest that this is not a punishment – that it may be a very sweet opportunity.

    1. Cinderella, you always know just what to say. Thank you for your thoughtful and illuminating support.

      In the back of my mind is that fact that my uterus went when I was young because it was signaling to me something tragic would happen to it, like cancer or something devastating, if I didn’t get rid of it early. My intuition says it was a plane wreck waiting to happen.

      The store I used to work at wrapped the lobsters in paper and slapped a barcode on them. They are indeed scannable in this state.

  8. So, first of all, we trained Mrs. P.I.B. to do the bell thing too when she was a pup, so I know that is possible. Therefore, I will say it’s true. I know that does not follow the rules of logic, but that’s how I roll. Anyway, I am guessing 2, 4, and 6 are the lies. I would consult my Magic 8 Ball, but I can’t find it at the moment. Another probable victim of Wonderbutt…

    1. So, is it now a “magic ate ball?”

      All will soon be revealed.

  9. The Hobbler says:

    I’m guessing 2, 3, and 5 are true.

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