The Off-Site Bakery: New Start


We found out about a month ago that the people who make decisions about healthcare will not allow us to proceed with our gestational surrogacy plans. We simply cannot move ahead with Dr. Miracle at the public fertility clinic. Full stop.

It’s not that we walked away without a fight. We rallied. I channelled as much inner momma bear as I have–it’s a surprising amount considering all our children are frozen embryos at this point. I believe in the futures of those frosty little darlings, damn it.

All my phone calls came to no change in the decision. The only progress is that I can get through a whole conversation about this issue now and not cry until after I hang up. Go me.

We even had a long, emotional, sit-down meeting with the decision-makers in person, and it made no difference in advancing our deep hope to be treated as members of the public through public healthcare. After the meeting, I came home to a hot bath and fell asleep for fourteen hours.

The whole derailment of our plans for a family was, frankly, one of the most challenging things The Electrician and I have faced. Thankfully we give each other strength and hope.

Tomorrow morning we start again.

We are off to a private fertility clinic to move our plans forward.

The whole idea irritates me. Navigating the clinic’s slick website and filling out page after page of medical history, the story I’ve told so many times before, built my frustration. Even speaking to the chipper receptionist at the new clinic (who has a Disney princess name) and explaining what we need yet again, wears me out. I am emotionally shredded by everything that’s happened in the past months.

We are functionally no closer to our baby than we were seven months ago. That truth hurts.

But there are glimmers. Always the glimmers.

Tomorrow we meet a new doctor we hope will be able to help us.

Tomorrow we will find out the next steps on our path to parenthood.

Tomorrow is a new start.

Our embryos will be transferred to the new clinic. I’m really nervous about their journey from one freezer to another. Interesting how the survival of such infinitesimal things has me so tied in knots. Please keep us in your thoughts and hope for their safe travels.

To the many people who have encouraged us, sent us positive thoughts and prayers, and every kind of support, thank you. We hope to share much better news in the near future.

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